wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
