He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
