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Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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