I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
