Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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