Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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