I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
