whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
