Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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