this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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