smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
