Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bring money and cleavage
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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