I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
