i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
