Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's even glitter on my cock...
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