I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
