If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
