there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
