You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
