i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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