well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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