The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
