i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize