just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
