and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
