I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
