i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
