Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
