I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
