just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
