How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
