the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
