My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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