So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I cannot find my penis.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
