I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
