please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
