I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
