I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize