I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
