i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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