Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
