a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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