He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize