im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
