my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
