How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
