Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
