we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
