The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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