Three words: puerto rican gang bang
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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