dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
