your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
