...so i touched it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
