obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
