Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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