You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
