so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
COCAINE IS GR8
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
