I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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