please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
