Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
