oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
