Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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