i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
