I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
