I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
