Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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