people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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