I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mom said you looked used
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
