this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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