I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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