Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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