Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize