i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Can I color on your dick again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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