Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was like eating out sand paper
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
