I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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