I think I am morally bankrupt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
