I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
