if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
